Lil about me and my life

I was born in the southwest US, growing up I never thought I’d want to move. It wasn’t that I was in love with where I grew up I was just comfortable. I have a twin sister but we couldn’t be more opposites if we tried. I grew up with a single mom it was always just us and my grandma until my grandma passed away. Oh yeah and my sis had a baby girl so it was still just us. My dad was a piece of shit who never wanted kids but yet has more then a few around. I was always more of a homebody type, so I made a few friends online. That’s how I met my husband. I’ll get to that later. Growing up life was pretty shitty, my family is full of assholes which is why I only talk to my mom and sis. I always wanted kids when I grew up. I tried when I was dating this major asshole thank God it didn’t work out that way. I eventually realized how awful he was and left him but not before he was verbally, sexually, and physically abusive. That it’s self taught me a lot about relationships and what warning signs to look for. After that I stayed single for a very long time. I was older now and it was just me and my sis and now she had 2 girls we shared a house and I helped her with the girls. Her oldest was basically my kid since she was born I was the one she came to when she was sick or excited or for anything. I’ll never forget her first day of school I cried after we left her there. I felt like we were leaving her for the wolves. She had been born tongue tied, so her speech wasn’t that good. She had the surgery to fix it. She was also in speech therapy to help. I was worried no one would understand her, or that she would need me. Yeah I made my sis drive us by the school probably 10 times that day. Haha the total stalker mom type that was me. When the bus came she was so happy and excited she brought me home a poem called the friendship poem with her handprint outlined. She was so proud to give it to me and I loved it I still have it. I knew then she would be ok. It’s crazy how fast time Flys by. This will always stand out as one of my favorite memories.

Well on to how I met my husband I use to get online and chat with a few people who I made friends with on AOL I know blast from the past. We also made our own yahoo chat rooms which was way better because we could use a mic or camera. Well he use to get on once in awhile and we would all talk but not really on all personal level. He also gave me his phone number, I think I called him all so few times. I got busy taking care of my sick grandma  (she had cancer and a ton of health problems) he got busy too kinda so we didn’t talk much. I had my focus on my grandma I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d have with her. We still sent the occasional email or message to each other. He always told me he was praying for my grandma when I’d give him an update. My grandma got worse and passed away after such a long time of her being sick I kinda felt relief. I know it sounds selfish but when you see someone you love struggling and suffering you just want them to have peace and not be in pain. I was kinda shocked at how well I handled her passing. I had my moments and days where it hit me hard but overall for being in my early 20s I did pretty good. After a few months me and my husband I’ll call him Mr G began to talk more and more. We lived so far and part but we kinda had feelings for each other so we decided to see where things went. Me my sis and the girls packed up and took a vacay heading east. Overall it was a fun road trip. Got a speeding ticket in Texas btw fuck driving thru Texas it never ends. We had a few other hiccups along the way but it Wasn’t all bad. We visited for a few days, I had a lot of fun but didn’t really hold any expectations of way as that would come. I liked Mr G but the distance was a huge problem. He didn’t really wanna move. Oh yeah and I discovered how possessive my sis was over me and my time, I guess her having me be like a 2nd mama and always being there for her made her not really wanna share. What a huge problem this would be for my future I’ll get to that later.

We had made it back I was sure glad to be back home. During the trip home I had put my phone in the trunk I didn’t really want to talk to Mr G I had got pretty drunk and made an ass of myself. I was hoping he would say oh hey I’ll give your place a try or something like that but he didn’t. I guess I was really disappointed so I got carried away with the shots. I was upset the morning we left to come back home. He had left way earlier which hurt my feelings. Like he didn’t care enough to stay and say goodbye or whatever by that point I was like fuck it we had fun but that’s where we will leave it. He had called and texted me a shit load of times he was worried and wanted to make sure we made it home. My pride was a little bruised and it admit locking my phone in the trunk was pretty dumb. I think maybe I wasn’t sure how he felt about me so if he didn’t call or text I wouldn’t have been checking my phone and obsessing over dead zones. I tried to laugh and have fun and forget how hurt, and sad I was. I turned my emotions off for a bit. Come to think of it we stopped in West Texas for a hotel and that’s when it got my phone. I saw how many times he called and texted and it took me about an hour to decide what to say or how to handle things. I had never went and met anyone offline before and definitely not someone I had feelings for. I finally called he said he was really worried so was his mom. We talked for a bit and kinda kept it light. We had been telling each other we loved each other for awhile now, he said it first in person I blushed and said it back. Before we hung up he said I love you I said it back but at this point I was confused. After we got settled back in at home we talked about things and decided we should give our love story a chance. Me and my sis had been talking about moving. We wanted to give the girls a different environment. Mr G was excited for the move I explained I came with 2 cats my sis and the kids since I couldn’t leave them. Oh yeah I forgot my sis had met this guy and been dating him for a bit he lived in our guest house they had got married. At the time he was good to her and me and the girls. He helped us pay bills and even took me to the er when I had the flu bad. Well I found us a house online big enough for all of us excluding my sisters husband he was wrapped up in some it and couldn’t move. So we paid the deposit and 2 months rent and Mr G went by and got the keys we despite really know what time we would be getting to our new house. Which was a good idea we got there on a Sunday early morning and nothing in the south is open on Sunday. We didn’t pick Mr Gs hometown to move to, instead we moved a town north. It was a bigger college town. I was hoping it wouldn’t be to much of a shock since we moved from a really major city.

We had planned to move at the beginning of 2007 well almost as soon as we got back my mom got sick. She had never been sick before. When I say sick I mean major sick. She was on life support and in icu in a medical induced come for about a week. We had more then one doctor tell us she wasn’t going to make it. Once she woke up she was major confused she has a bad reaction to morphine most of my family does. She woke up though and healed up slowly. So by March we were packing up a huge ass penske and hitting the road. We stopped to say goodbye to my mom. It was kinda hard we never really had a good relationship but I was gonna miss her. I knew she would miss my oldest niece they were really close. We were all excited to see what life’s new journey had in store for us.

That big ass yellow truck was so slow granted we had it packed up full of our stuff. We were also towing my sisters car which was a huge pain in the ass. We also had my two cats the girls and a boxer I had bought Mr G. So potty breaks were plenty. Plus my sis had cut her hand and had stitches so driving made it worse on her hand. I don’t drive I have bad anxiety. We stopped for a break at a rest stop in West Texas to take a nap. It was March so it was still pretty cool. We finally made it to our destination state 37 hours later. This trip we didn’t stop for hotels we figured once we made it we would sleep. We would rest every so many hours but we were miserable and just wanted to have a red button we could push and get there instantly to bad they don’t exist. The ride was hell we were all cranky tired swollen and sore. The girls were restless we had movies for them to watch but they couldn’t get into them. By the time we made it there we tried to get everyone’s beds out and some clothes and pet stuff just so we could relax a bit. My sis had problems turning the big truck with the car when we couldn’t pull right thru thankfully we met some really nice young truckers who helped us out. I hated our cramped ride the cats, dog and kids plus me and my sis in the cab of the truck had to be a sight. We got lots of stares at my cat sleeping up on the dash and people would ask us when we stopped if he was a real cat. We laughed and explained he loves to ride. All we wanted when we got there was caffeine and a hot bath clean clothes and a bed. Well turns out the water was off  we had to call the sheriff’s department to have someone from the water department to come turn it on after hours. Why the sheriff’s department you ask well your guess is as good afters mine. Shit I think the water heater ran for a good 4 hours but ahhhhhh that hot bath was awesome. We were all woke up and hungry so we found a fast food place close. We took it easy for the most part that day and all went to bed early, except Mr G he wasn’t as wore out.

My cats were pretty freaked out and later the next night I let them on our balcony that was off of me and Mr Gs room. It was one of the dumbest things I have done. My cats are inside only cats well my male cat jumped off and ran. I was devastated I was in a new place, exhausted and now I lost my baby. My cats usually come to their name well he didn’t this time. I think he was freaked out we looked for hours and couldn’t find him. We got up the next day and did the same. I had spent the whole night and day crying. The next night I was on our balcony and I called my baby, I was pretty sure he was gone for good. I heard a meooooow I knew it was him. He’s got a weird meow like all siamese cats do. Mr G  and my sis went down stairs and outside they found him in he backyard of a neighbor. He had a really tall fence and I’m almost sure they wanted to keep him or tried to steal him. My cat hates jumping  I know he did from the balcony but I think it was more of a he was in a new place and scared type of thing. Well Mr G went right on up to their gate opened it and got my cat all while having the neighbor stare and him thru the window. The neighbor was in his tidy whiteys drinking milk out of the jug and just looked on in awe. I’m pretty sure they thought my cat was annoying and let him back out since he has a very weird loud meow and acts more like a dog. I was just glad to get my baby back after that the balcony was off limits. Mr G hadn’t grown up having cats and to start off he wasn’t fond of them. He didn’t want them sleeping in our bed and I thought well he needs time to adjust and he will warm up to them. I was kinda upset about it but my cats were use to roaming at night and sleeping where they wanted since we usually slept with our bedroom doors open.

Mr G started warming up to my cats but not as fast as I wanted. Things went okay or semi okay for a few weeks. My sister kept throwing fits because I would go places with Mr G  for awhile it was driving me crazy. I kept thinking how could she be this selfish after me helping her with the girls for so long, couldn’t i have a life. Well one afternoon we went to Mr Gs  mom’s house about 45 minutes away. I had a lot of fun until we got home and shit hit the fan my sis threw a major fit. Since our room was upstairs she kept going to circuit breaker and turning our power off and it was pretty warm. I was upset I had paid for our rent and stuff like that all on my own and now I was getting treated like shit all because my sis was jealous yet when she married the douche bag she did I didn’t treat her this way, I was happy for her. I guess I was naive to think I’d get the same. Then she told Mr G to get out and I’m like wait this isn’t just your home it’s mine too. Then came the threats of letting my cats out and the dog out. All I could do was cry this whole move was a mistake. Mr G called his mom and she said we could stay there, so we packed up and left for just the night. I really hoped the next day my sis would get her head out of her ass but part of me knew how she was. The next morning we got up early I had decided I wasn’t going to go back to our home state like she was threatening if I didn’t start living my life and having things the way I wanted them I never would. I was pretty broke so Mr Gs mom and dad took us a town south about 20 minutes away it was a very small town to look at a trailer. It was a small 2 bedroom but it was cozy in a small clean trailer park. Mr Gs  dad worked out us staying there he did part time work for the owner so they cut him well us a break. My sis had said she was going back home and I wasn’t about to kiss her ass. I was hurt and angry, I knew the worst part about us going separate ways would be the girls. I was going to miss them so much, my life revolved around them. After we got all that fixed I told my sis I was coming for my thing’s she kept making her same threats your cats are gonna be outside. I cried all the way up there. Mr G had borrowed his dad’s truck so we could get some of my stuff and my bed. I knew my sister was going to act like the spawn of Satan she mainly stayed in her room pouting. I gathered up what I could and my baby’s and we hit the road. She didn’t let me tell the girls by that broke my heart, but I was on to my next adventure.

My sis left to move back west with the girls we didn’t say goodbye. For awhile we didn’t speak. We moved into our cozy trailer. Mr G was working a lot I was really lonely, most days except Sunday it was just me and the kitties. I felt lost I missed the girls so bad. I wasn’t use to a small town and by small we didn’t even have a street light. One day Mr G  took the day off to go fishing with his super douchey friend I didn’t like the guy but I wasn’t gonna tell Mr G who he could be friends with. I was pretty hurt he took the day off for that asshat but didn’t to hang out with me. I guess maybe he didn’t know how lonely I was. I felt kinda like I couldn’t be myself because what if he got mad I’d have no one. It all made me really miss home the more lonely I got the more I wished I hadn’t left. I started talking to my sis and the girls and decided to move back. I knew Mr G wouldn’t come, I wanted him to come see how things were out west. When I told him I was leaving I fibbed some my mom had been sick again but mainly I couldn’t take being lonely. Honestly I didn’t want to leave Mr G I wanted him to want to spend time with me and connect with me more on an emotional level,I wasn’t sure he could do that. I packed up the stuff I was taking back the rest of it went to Mr Gs parent’s which is where he went back to. I cried really bad when I left I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Mr G again. What made it worse was he had bonded with my cats especially the excapee they were like best buddies.

When we got back out west my sis her hubs and the girls were living in a duplex. My first thought was this doesn’t look like a cozy home. I had a major anxiety attack and just shut myself in the girls room with my kitties. I missed Mr G I wanted him in fact in needed him to hold me and tell me he loved me. I talked to Mr G and it took major convincing but he agreed to give out west a try. He was nervous he had never been so far from home and he had major social anxiety. I promised I’d be his rock. His mom wasn’t to happy in you know anything about sociuther  mama’s they are very protective especially over their sons. The next goal was to find a big house that wasn’t to expensive. We found a place the same day we started looking it had a decent fenced yard, three bedrooms one was separate with its own bathroom for me and Mr G. The place use to be 2 apartments it had plenty of room. So we got settled in and made plans to go get Mr G the next month which was August. It was a long hot month my oldest niece slept with me most of the month. I was glad I had missed her so much and the thought of an empty bed was to much. Those few weeks before we made the trip to get Mr G were stressful. His mom made me promise I’d be good to him. I worried he’d change his mind. He was to nervous to make the journey by himself and since we made that trip a few times it was a no brainer.

I’ll continue with what happened next later. I know this is really long and I also know my grammar sucks.


Craziness in the RV park

So I have told you before about my drunken neighbors and their shenanigans well this one is a doozy. I promise it will not disappoint.

So we had a new neighbor move in awhile back his name is John. John is really nice and tries to help everyone, yes he’s also an alcoholic. The difference is when John gets drunk he usually stays at his place or maybe Moe’s. He works really hard, he’s a carpenter, and a pretty decent one at that. So there is Moe, Larry, and John just to catch you up on who the main people are.

Moe and Larry have been good buddies for over a year now. They have had little bitch fits with arguing between themselves a few times but got over it in a day or so and were best buddies again. This all changed about a month ago. Mr G got a call it was Moe he said Larry grabbed his balls and he may need to go to the hospital. Well he didn’t so the next day or so goes by and everything is fine. Fast forward a week or two and they are all sitting outside at a round table drinking. Oh and the other drunk neighbor Junior is there. Moe goes to pee in the trees and comes back to put Larry in a choke hold, Larry grabbed a stick and smacked Moe upside the head, then Moe runs around and punches Larry in the face. I imagine it was like getting bit by a mosquito. Then Junior told Moe ” you’re not going to hit a man from behind if you want to go at it do it the right way” so Larry goes home and the friendship is over now.

Everytime Mr G speaks with either especially Moe they bring this same shit up over and over. When they did the same with me I told them they were both in the wrong. Larry always ttys to parent Moe and I’m sure it gets quite annoying. The physical shit was all uncalled for. So awhile after this Moe falls and Larry went to help and Moe was running his mouth and being a complete Dick. Larry went home and all was quite.

Then awhile after all this we get a call from Moe saying John’s hurt. Mr G goes over and checks him out and tells me to call an ambulance. I do and like an hour later they arrive. They were major assholes. John was really nice and yes I understand he was drunk and it’s his fault he got hurt. Shit I forgot that part. He fell coming out the door at Moe’s and broke his nose and ended up with a swollen black and blue face, and two black eyes. Anyhow the paramedics didn’t give a shit they told him his nose wasn’t broke and left. His nose was broke the next day he went to the Dr and they confirmed this. I left a review on their Facebook page and they reported me…. Assholes and I didn’t cuss or wasn’t rude. They deleted the comment too.

Then on Saturday myself and Mr G was headed out, he ran back inside to grab something. As I was getting in the truck I noticed Moe yelling….come on Larry…..come on I’ll eff you up…over and over. I said what are you doing Moe? You need to behave, take your ass home!!! So Mr G comes out after hearing me yelling and is like what are you doing? I explained and he went out to the middle of the park where there is a BBQ grill and a covered patio thing. He grabbed Moe by the arm and dragged him for a few steps until Moe understood he was going home….LOL….. I should also mention Mr G had just taken Larry to the store and Larry was going to go home and take a nap, yes a nap. So the whole time Moe was yelling making an ass of himself Larry was sound asleep and had no clue this was going down.

Fast forward to tonight Monday June 11,2018 and myself and Mr G had to run and do some errands. When we are about five minutes from home and we get a phone call, it’s John all Mr G can understand is that someone needs to go to the hospital and something about Moe and then they hang up. We both thought oh this is just Moe playing his games where he gets to drunk. He’s done this like 20 times boy were we wrong. We pull up and I stayed in the truck the windows down and I also turned the radio down. I couldn’t hear anything or see anything. Then Mr G comes out on the phone and all I hear is he will tell you but he won’t tell me what happened. He probably needs about 7 stitches or so I’d take him if I didn’t have to go to work. Then Mr G walked back inside and comes out a minute or so later and tells me Moe stabbed John!!!!! I effing lost it I really did, he could have killed him! They made up a story and tried to sell it, problem was it wasn’t the truth and didn’t fit with where his wound was. I’m still very upset even hours later. John is ok and he will heal, he had to get a bunch of Staples and I’m sure it’s going to hurt bad for awhile but the important thing is he’s going to be ok. Now as far as Moe goes something needs to be done. John lied to the Dr and said he got cut on barbwire I’m sure the Dr knew different because barbwire cuts very jagged. Things have got to change my whole feelings on Moe have changed.

Faded memories

So a few nights ago my sister went on one of her stupid dramatic trips. She’s been drinking a lot and maybe a borderline alcoholic. She’s now dating a guy who we grew up with. BTW he’s married but his wife was cheating and called my sister and told her dude liked her. Their also engaged after dating like literally less then a month. He’s a pushover the type she really likes. His wife hangs out with them which is totally weird and awkward but whatever. He’s got 4 kids well girls one of which he didn’t father. The kids are not in the best ideal situation with his wife, and he’s living with his mother. My sister seems to think at some point in the near future they will have all the kids. This would be a huge chaotic situation. His oldest has tried suicide a few times and my heart aches for all she’s been through. He’s already putting my sister before his kids, I ripped him a new one over this. No matter who you are no man/woman should come before child!!! I know this fell on deaf ears, but I had to say my part. So this is how my night went.

Mr G was at work it was really late and I get a text…..***hey I need you to help me ruin (dudes wife’s name) her life….*** I was like WTF so I called her and said what’s going on? She said oh she was starting shit and now we’re not allowed over. I said so who really cares she will get over it and y’all will be ok again. I’m like what was this really about. She said I’m to stoned right now I might forget some of the story. Mind you my sister lies like a loooooooooot and she likes to keep drama stirred up. Everything she says I take like a grain of salt. I have had to learn to be this way after I looked like an ass taking her side several times.

We eventually move on to talking about Lady A this is where shit got real!! She said Lady A wanted to move out there when she comes to get her younger kids from their dad. I said how long is she going to be out there and she’s like forever. I said I’m not sure her being put into your situation you have going on out there would be good for her. She immediately started being a bitch. She’s like what’s wrong with my situation??? I said all the shit you have going on with dudes wife and his kids. Lady A is not used to that. Also the stuff going on with D (my oldest niece that lives with her) that is autistic and has ADHD. You have still not got her the proper treatment. She then suggested that Lady A and D would be Best friends, which would never happen. When anything changes in D’s life she throws major fits. She needs a set routine 24/7 having Lady A come out there would cause a major problem. Everyone knows when you have an autistic child they have to have a set routine, anything like holidays, spring break or anything like that upsets their set schedule it sets off a major fit. Then my sister starts talking about how before I was mean to her and her kids. Which is not the case her maybe but the kids NEVER!!! I love her kids like they are mine. I said if I was so bad why did I babysit almost every day just so you and Mom could go gamble or mess around?? Guess I wasn’t that bad, and why did you abandon Lady A with me if I was so bad??? But this really hurt me I said I’m don’t with you and hung up on her I blocked her boyfriend on Facebook and erased her number from my phone.

I really have no idea how someone can twist memories so bad and make them into these horrible stories that they honestly believe. I really have no desire to speak to her or my mom again if you are curious about my mom. Read the mother’s day post I made. I am getting older and don’t need toxic shit like that in my life

The good old days

So growing up it was just me and my sis ( my twin) which can be good and bad. We we’re often close and often bitter enemies. We always made up quickly because it was us against the world. We were in preschool in North Carolina when on of us would be sent to the corner and they other would quickly go retrieve the other out of the corner. Most of our friends were the same, we did have a few that were our friends only. We would go explore the desert in southern Arizona like we were on some kind of artifact finding mission. We rode horses and acted like we were part of a rodeo. We had sleepovers and often slept on our front porch growing up. We had a lot of fun and some major fights.

We had one of those big green garbage cans you put by the road. It was clean and never used, there was no road side pick up where we grew up. You burned your trash or saved it in a pile and went to the dump. So we had this bright idea of my sister getting in the can and me wheeling her around in it. This worked for a bit she was having fun. Then I dropped the lid on the can and it had two pretty big screws that cut her head. Not really bad but I’m sure it hurt. We also used to go feed my neighbors horses, he was an old man who was friends with my grandpa before he died. We would cut through a yard and I’d step on the barbe wire while she went through or she would while I went through. One day on our way back home somehow the fence caught her leg and cut her pretty bad. I said sit down and wait here let me get mom. She was having none of it she bit me yes bit me and took off running to our house. It wasn’t really far but maybe like 6 good city blocks. I was like WTF she just bit me so I walked home slowly really mad. She had to go to the hospital and get like 20 stitches maybe more I can’t remember.

My sister is not a sensitive type person, she’s always been like this. Stuff that I’d cry over she wouldn’t and it didn’t seem to bother her. We’d play farm in our front yard and she would always act like a horse. We’d play video games with the neighbors, or I’d play football with them.

We had an outdoor playhouse, I once found a scorpion in so we didn’t go in there much. We enjoyed throwing up a tent and camping out roasting marshmallows. We also went real camping a lot. I once swam her across a man made lake in southern Arizona we would camp at. Because we didn’t have oars, I was exhausted after that. We had so much fun though. One time we went up camping where the Colorado River was. This was a little different because we usually camped near still water. There was a roped off part so we couldn’t get in to fast moving water. My mom had been tubing a few times and went tubing right where we were a few times. Then she and another group decided to go for a extended trip down the river. It began to get dark and she still wasn’t back, I remember we were really worried but my mom’s friend and her husband didn’t seem to care instead he was rummaging through all the food my mom brought. I don’t even remember how long or what time my mom left. We passed out from being exhausted and playing all day and woke up in the middle of the night and my mom still wasn’t back. The next morning me and my sister through a fit and her friend said they would give her a little more time and then notify someone. A few hours later my mom came walking back in camp all tore up she had cuts l over bad sunburn and was just generally all scraped and blooded up. She said her tube had drug her through some underbrush and got caught, got a hole in it and ended up turning over. She had to walk over this really high mountain or hill it’s hard to remember. She had lost her flip flops and her feet were cut up from the rocks. We we’re glad to have her back.

There was nothing better then Bacon and eggs cooked while camping. Laying there in the quiet under the stars. Cooking weenies and roasting marshmallows. Eating bologna sandwiches with some potato chips.

I’m glad I have memories like this because kids nowadays have no idea how to unplug and enjoy life. It’s not all their fault their parents are to busy with day to day activities to unplug as well. I wish I could go back and have one more camping trip like this, it’s not the same when you’re an adult. You have so much stuff to do before you can relax.

Childhood scar’s

So I haven’t really talked to my mom much recently. I called her last night to wish her an early mother’s day, I wasn’t sure if she had plans or whatever so I wanted to make sure I talked to her. This is how the phone call when my sis picks up and says hold on here take it my mom says no I don’t want it. I honestly thought this was maybe about food or something, since I can’t see what’s going on I was just assuming. This back and forth between my sis and my mom went on for several minutes until my mom said yeah….. I’m like hey Mom I wanted to call and wish you a happy mother’s day. What are you doing? She said nothing then I said how are you? She said okay…..it was at this point I got a major feeling like she didn’t want to talk. So I asked are you busy? She’s like no I just don’t feel good right now. I said okay well I’ll talk to you tomorrow I love you, she said I love you too then I hung up. My feelings were hurt, it really felt like she didn’t want to to to me. At this point I was still clueless as what was actually going on and I was going to just leave it at that.

Then my sister calls me and said did you see how mom was being a jerk? I said yeah she really hurt my feelings. She then informs me the going back and forth between them was because my mom didn’t want to talk to me. This upset me a little more and I told my sister no biggie I won’t be calling her back tomorrow anyway I get it she doesn’t want to talk and I won’t allow myself to get upset by her anymore….at least not right now I won’t. My sis then tells me how my mom has been lately, I really don’t want to get involved because more then likely they are both at fault. I do agree my mom can be a major jerk but so can my sis hell we all can be that way from time to time.

This brought up so major bad memories about my relationship with my mom. Last night I realized how screwed up things were. I know that no parent is perfect. So I don’t expect mine to be, I am thankful for what she’s done for me.

When I was really young not even 10 I can remember my mom threatening to go lay on the railroad tracks and kill herself. At that age I begged her not to, I really thought she was going to do it. I remember her taking us to this little town in southern Arizona where we would camp and leaving us outside next door to bar with friends or maybe they were people she didn’t know to well. I remember her drinking and driving and us begging her not to. I remember her leaving us at her friends house with these awful lesbian babysitters so she could go partying. We ended up running away to the park that night and hiding under a concrete table at like midnight. I remember my sister and I were late walking home one night and she said she went looking for us and claimed she got raped and best up. It never happened later years later she admitted it was a lie. I also remember when I was an adult it was actually Thanksgiving 2006 where we invited her over, my sis and I did we cooked the whole meal. She lived in an apartment me and my sis had a house we rented. She came over and we were sitting outside she was pretty shit faced and her telling me she had a cocaine problem and then after I kind of freaked out she’s like I was just kidding I then asked her to leave. I couldn’t believe she would lie and play games like that, especially when it’s not something to laugh about. I also remember her being on coke when I was a kid, she smoked a lot of weed too. There are many more memories but you get the point.

All these memories flooded back like it was yesterday. Being an adult and older now I see how screwed up everything was. I know now why I have trust issues. I don’t remember my mom acting loving to me very much. I’m sure she said I love you but I can’t remember it.

I love my mom I do, but for me as a person to heal and move on I can’t allow the toxicity of her being this negative manipulative person in my life. I can love her from a distance where I feel safe.

I know today is mother’s day, Maybe a shitty time to share my story but I felt like I needed to get it out. Tell your mom you love her today. God only knows I wish my mother in law was here so I could tell her. She was a good mom a loving mom. The kind

you don’t have to question their love for you. I guess my mom being the way she was made me latch on to my grandma so much.

A possum’s bite and a cats poo 🐈🙃💩

I know I have lots of posts about my neighbors and their drunken stunts. This one is a little different, we moved to where were living now in December of 2014. We didn’t have many neighbors at the time I think there was three. One is a laid back middle ages Ginger he’s a cool guy. Very quiet and laid back, I’ll admit he’s had some crazy ass girlfriends. However the one he has now he’s had for quite some time she’s more like him. Thank God because the last one was a doozy. She talked in little kid like voices, enjoyed coloring and apparently meth. She would in my opinion steal animals and claim she was saving them from abuse a lot. They would get along great for awhile then she would flip out and peel out of the driveway throwing mud or gravel all over sometimes on Mr G’s truck. Which was very annoying and sometimes funny. If she didn’t peel out to her liking she would repeat it over and over. She was a real nutter. Then she would come back and knock on our door and give Mr G like 10 bucks so he could wash his truck. Thankfully she never broke a window. In almost certain she had to replace her tires a few times. She’s gone now, it’s not like she was a bad person just way to much drama and meth. The ginger loves his weed though….to each their own.

The other neighbor I never spoke to or really saw her. I know she was around middle aged. Mr G spoke to her a few times before she get sick and moved. She still comes by to smoke out with the Ginger dude from time to time. I think she’s doing better somewhat health wise.

Then we have the other couple, I’d see the woman outside a lot. Her husband went to work every morning at 5 am I know this because he revs up his loud ass Hummer. Very annoying and loud. For a long time we didn’t speak to them. The husband would wave at us or honk as if to say hey. I figured out quickly buy his uniform he was employed by our local jail. The Hummer has Georgia tags and her truck had Texas tags. I kinda figured maybe they were not from here. Not like I have room to talk because I’m not from here. Mr G spoke with the woman one day he suggested I needed a friend. I should have went with my gut on this one. Which was screaming no no you don’t need a friend, at least not a neighbor friend. I went against that feeling and started talking to her. At first she was really cool, she’s older then my mom but I wasn’t going to judge her on that. Older people can be some of the coolest people around. She started taking Lady A on her errand runs. She told me she really wanted to be like Lady A’s grandma. This seemed like a good idea at the time. If I had only known what I know now I would have e put the brakes on that shit real quick. Myself and Lady A would go hang out and chat with her a few times a week at this point. She would also buy Lady A small stuff, sometimes they would even go get a milk shake stuff like that. Then slowly her true colors came through….

I rarely drink but this lady would come over and knock on my door and want to bs sometimes and usually when she did this she would bring a few beers over. Again there is nothing wrong with having a few beers as long as you don’t drive. Which she doesn’t do. She also began to bend the truth, some stuff she would say I knew different but I blew it off. So one night she came over and one of our outside community Kitty’s pooped on her…. LOL……it probably knew she was a snake when I didn’t. I offered her to come in and wash it off but she had a few beers and choose to was off with a gallon of water and some soft soap in the yard and then the hose. I was laughing so hard it was really funny.

One day she came over when Mr G and Lady A we’re gone and u let her in she immediately began saying how my home was so dark it needed more light. I keep it that way because I want it like that it’s my home. I tried to be nice she was being overbearing. Mr G came home and she was being bossy he told her nicely that this was our home and we didn’t need suggestions on how it should be. She was kinda bitchy and Mr G said she should go home if she couldn’t handle her alcohol and he kinda maybe went a little far but not really when he suggested that some people shouldn’t drink. Or if they do they should stay home. She went home and later called and apologized for how she acted. I was like cool no biggie things are fine. Little did I know she called dhs which is like child protective services and made up so many lies it was laughable. I’ll get to that later.

Later that same afternoon we were taking a window out well I say we I mean Mr G the window had a huge crack and Mr G’s hand slipped and went right through the window. Scared the shit out of me. I looked at his arm which was bleeding but not really bad. I told him I think he’s got glass stuck in his arm. He blew me off for like an hour then his arm started swelling and it was clear I was right. We headed to the ER the one that’s a town west of us, because they are really quick and not very busy. The ER doctor was an idiot, I guess we were too. They did an x-ray and confirmed there was a Chuck of glass in his arm. So the doctor came up with a plan to numb it and remove the glass. IF THIS SITUATION HAPPENS TO YOU DO NOT LET THE DOCTOR TALK YOU INTO HIM DIGGING OUT THE GLASS OR WHATEVER YOU MAY HAVE LODGED IN YOU. We didn’t even think about it, I guess we figured it was close to the surface and not a big deal…BIG MISTAKE….He dug around and dug around I was getting pissed because I could tell it was becoming more and more painful to Mr G. The doctor left the room after like 30 minutes and said he would be right back. Then he comes back in and informs us that he can’t get the glass out that he was little over optimistic in thinking he could get it out. He’s called a surgeon in a town North of us and they want to see Mr G in the am first thing. The idiot didn’t even give Mr G a shot or anything for pain. He just had that oh shit I bit off more than I can chew look. Kinda like he was hoping we would want to sue his ass. They wrapped it up and the next day as soon as I called the surgeon they were like come in right away. We get there and they look at the x-ray and the surgeon is like surgery tomorrow morning first thing if I wasn’t so booked I’d do it right now. We have to get that out right away. They start Mr G on some pain meds and antibiotics. That way after the surgery we already have his pain medicine and also hoping he won’t get an infection. He was completely speechless when he heard about the ER doc and his forging in me G’s arm. He’s like well he shouldn’t have done that, it just puts you at a higher risk for infection. He also should have known only a surgeon should have opened it up. Needless to say he was very pissed off, in fact he even called the ER doctor. So as we’re going over and getting Mr G registered for pre-op I get a call from Lady A who is freaking out so I excuse myself and go outside to talk to her. She’s 16 at this point so she’s fine to be left home alone. She says while crying that dhs came by and left a note and she didn’t answer the door because she had no clue who it was. Which is the rule I have taught her, her whole life don’t answer the door for ANYONE unless is a few select people. She reads me the note and she’s using the neighbors phone. She had a phone but they were working on tours and it didn’t always get a good signal. I thought it was no big deal because if there was an emergency she could always go to the neighbors house and use their phone. I told her not to worry about it and I would handle it when I got home. Just go home and relax babe which is what I have always called her. I was honestly freaking out the whole way home which is like a 45 minute drive. I was crying and everything because I have never dealt with having dhs come to my house.

We get home and I read the letter we pick up Lady A as we have to head out to my father in-laws. As soon as we get there I call DHS now I’m pissed off because I have no idea why these people are in my life at the moment. The woman tells me oh we had a report you’re not feeding your daughter and she didn’t have any shoe’s and a bunch of other bs I’m like haha really she’s got more shoes then I do. Also claiming we didn’t have electricity or water. I laughed and then I’m like well I won’t be home tomorrow but the next day come by anytime I’ll be home and you can check out everything for yourselves and see what’s going on. It also clicked in my mind the neighbor bought Lady A 2 pairs of flip flops a few days ago. So bam I know who called DHS. I was honestly hurt I even cried a little because I trusted the neighbor I thought she was a good person. This ended any and all type of friendship and contact. Like how could you make shit up to try and get them to take Lady A from me!?! I couldn’t handle life without Lady A!!! I was mad at myself for allowing the neighbor in our lives, for misjudging her so badly.

Mr G has his surgery everything goes fine, we get home later in the afternoon. He’s not in bad pain and everything was good with that. They even sent home the piece of glass in a little container. It was about the size of a penny. I have a picture I’ll add.

The DHS ladies came I think it was four of them, all terrified of cats. Go figure because we are major cat lovers and I won’t put my cats up for visitors it’s their house. I even go outside so they can talk to Lady A alone, the ladies apologize and say they realize the call was bs but they have to check things out. They say we can’t tell you who called us, I’m like you don’t have to I know. They leave and close the case but it was very traumatic.

The neighbor called and texted and was ignored. She would also catch Mr G outside and give him some food she cooked she thought I’d like. I hate spicy shit for some reason she thinks I like it. So a few months ago she asked why we don’t talk to her and I was like well you called DHS and if you were my friend you wouldn’t have done it. She denied it and I said well lie about it if you want but just know I know it was you.

The other night she came by to bring me some tamales. She got attacked by our possum…. LOL he’s not really ours he just lived somewhere close to our home and we see him a lot. He’s usually harmless and just trolls around looking for food. The cats don’t pay him no mind and he only comes out at night. He bit and scratched her. I know I’m an asshole and shouldn’t have found it funny but I did. I can live with the fact it makes me a jerk. Meanwhile Mr or Mrs possum was just ditching out some karma. 😀😂😂😂

People who think the world revolves around them

I hate when people think the world revolves around them. They think nothing of calling you and expecting you to drop everything and tend to their needs. They don’t even care if you have a life or other obligations. You would think this only applies to younger people but no it’s older people too. I have a neighbor, yeah one of the drunks, who will throw a baby fit and stomp around if he doesn’t get a ride to town when he wants it. I kid you not he will actually say when am I going to get to go to town, and cuss. Acting like a complete diva if Mr G is busy with me or running our errands. It pisses me off I’m like WTF he needs to understand our family comes first. Dealing with a drunk is hard you can’t reason with them or make them understand you have a life.

My sister is very selfish and ridiculous. Like at what age do you stop taking a million selfies a day!?! Seriously you’re almost 40 and you look like you did 2.5 million selfies a day. OMG!!! Put the makeup down and back away. Get in touch with reality, which is never going to happen. The sad thing is Lady A acts like this a lot. It really pisses me off, I stay on her about it. I hope as she gets older she understands not everything is about her.

It makes you wonder what makes people think and act like this. I can’t say it’s my mom’s fault if that were the case I’d be like that too. I’m not, I’m quite the opposite. I don’t like attention being on me. I’m laid back and just a mainly mellow person. Now Mr G he’s a lot like this. He’s very much so just like my sis. I think that may have attracted me to him. Or maybe made me more comfortable with him. Now I do know a big reason Mr G is like this was his mom. I loved his mom so much, I still do I miss her so much. She created a monster though….LOL…….at least on the world revolves around me type of one. I love Mr G but he’s quite the diva and drama king. I put up with it but at times I get annoyed with it. At our age you can’t make people understand what they can’t see. So most of the time I just try and ignore it.

I use to think all selfish people we’re narsastic but their not. I know they don’t usually understand they are being difficult assholes. I also know trying to argue with them about their diva like tendencies it a waste of time. They will try that shit around and have you questioning what’s going on quick. Lastly usually selfish, self-absorbed people are manipulative people. So if you’re selfish like this try thinking about someone else besides yourself.

The struggle of being female💅👜💄

Sure it’s great growing up playing with dolls. Playing dress up and all that fun stuff. Then bam we’re teens and all the shitty stuff starts happening. We get boobs, which not only get in the way, their kind of a pain in the ass. We got to find the right bra and finding a comfortable bra….. forget it. Padded is uncomfortable and no use if you have bigger boobs. Plus when you wash your padded bra the boob shapes never end up right again. You will end up with lop sided titties. Or a Cyclops uni-boob. Either way it’s far from sexy. If you go the wire route just know at the wrong moment your wire will rip out of the bra and impale you. It hurts most likely you will bleed and then if you’re not somewhere you can do a quick fix you will again have a uni-boob and again we are on the non sexy train. You can either try and make a hole and rip the other wire side out or jam the wire in the hole it came from. It’s a struggle no matter what you choose. Then we have the sports bra with is some what more comfortable but you always have one boob and you can’t run or you may slap yourself in the face. You will have to try and take your rouge titties. All this goes out the door when you have a strap failure, you have the option if there is enough to tie a knot or you could make a tube top bra which could fail your boobs and drop them like a bad habit. Leaving you with a oh shit nip slip. This is just the beginning….

Then we have the whole period shit. This is pure torture!!! Seriously this may in fact be the worst single thing about being a female!!! This can cause your boobs to hurt, backache, and severe cramp’s. I’m not talking like baby cramp’s in talking like don’t want to breathe feel like you’re dying cramp’s. It feels like something is attacking you from the inside like some little monster is ripping you apart. It’s always made worse by stress and life is full of bullshit and stress. Forget about wearing white or light colors. Forget about trying to prepare and predict when the evil beast is coming because you will be wrong. Forget be optimistic and thinking it’s gone too. Nope it will be right back with a vengeance. Then prepare for an emotional rollercoaster like no other, you will literally hate everyone and everything. Then you will cry over hating everyone and everything. It will completely screw with you. I don’t usually but sometimes I crave sour stuff so I eat a few lemons. I have never craved chocolate but a lot of women do. Seriously guys if or when your woman has her period be nice do something extra special because we are going through hell while our bodies battle themselves. We can also have bad leg cramp’s, get the shits or get constipated I mean the list goes on and on. NONE OF THE IS A FUN RIDE! Periods are messy and a pain in the ass. You never hear any woman say oh I wish I had my period, or I can’t wait for my time of the month. Buying pads, tampons are also expensive. It’s not like it’s something we can go without, we can’t choose not to have a period. Or be like nah I don’t need tampons.

We also have to go to the coochie doctor. We all hate this it’s always awkward, and really hard to have any kind of a conversation with a doctor whose all up in your business. The exams are not very painful but they do hurt sometimes. We usually try and picture ourselves anywhere else but where we are. Sometimes doctor’s make really awkward comments, like oh I need the smaller speculum you’re really shallow….. Ummm like I don’t give a shit don’t talk about it just get the shit over with so I can get dressed and feel like a human again. Then when we get older we have the whole mammogram thing. Yippee we get our tits squeezed in a machine like you’re milking a cow. Another awkward thing we have to endure. They hurt they pinch and no matter what men think it’s not fun having your tatas flattened like a pancake.

We also have the I’m old enough to shave stage. This is where it’s so cool to shave you feel empowered, like a real woman. You shave like every few hours, yes I’m exaggerating but you get the point. We shave even when we don’t need to when we are younger. When we are older we switch to the shaving season mode. Winter were cool let the shit grow, then summer ugh bring back the hedge trimmer we’re hairy as heck. We burned ourselves out in the early years of shaving, now we only shave below the knee.

The older we get the more shit we go through. Having a baby is great I’m sure. Unfortunately I’ll never know the feeling of being pregnant or giving birth so I can’t speak on it.

Then we have menopause to look forward too. This I can speak on because in going through it. It’s sucks like really sucks. You get horrible hot flashes, you’re moody and no one understands you. You have anxiety, depression and sleepless nights. At times nothing makes you happy. You just want to be left alone, then other times all you want is a hug and for someone to tell you it’s all going to be ok. In the dead of winter you could wake up sweaty and nasty. Guess what you still have your period too. At this point you really feel cursed. We go through so much being women I don’t think men can or will ever really grasp what goes on with us.

Sometimes I’m like wtf why couldn’t I have been born with a penis, I’m glad in a woman but it’s a struggle. So cut us some slack sometimes! It will be greatly appreciated.