Childhood scar’s

So I haven’t really talked to my mom much recently. I called her last night to wish her an early mother’s day, I wasn’t sure if she had plans or whatever so I wanted to make sure I talked to her. This is how the phone call when my sis picks up and says hold on here take it my mom says no I don’t want it. I honestly thought this was maybe about food or something, since I can’t see what’s going on I was just assuming. This back and forth between my sis and my mom went on for several minutes until my mom said yeah….. I’m like hey Mom I wanted to call and wish you a happy mother’s day. What are you doing? She said nothing then I said how are you? She said okay… was at this point I got a major feeling like she didn’t want to talk. So I asked are you busy? She’s like no I just don’t feel good right now. I said okay well I’ll talk to you tomorrow I love you, she said I love you too then I hung up. My feelings were hurt, it really felt like she didn’t want to to to me. At this point I was still clueless as what was actually going on and I was going to just leave it at that.

Then my sister calls me and said did you see how mom was being a jerk? I said yeah she really hurt my feelings. She then informs me the going back and forth between them was because my mom didn’t want to talk to me. This upset me a little more and I told my sister no biggie I won’t be calling her back tomorrow anyway I get it she doesn’t want to talk and I won’t allow myself to get upset by her anymore….at least not right now I won’t. My sis then tells me how my mom has been lately, I really don’t want to get involved because more then likely they are both at fault. I do agree my mom can be a major jerk but so can my sis hell we all can be that way from time to time.

This brought up so major bad memories about my relationship with my mom. Last night I realized how screwed up things were. I know that no parent is perfect. So I don’t expect mine to be, I am thankful for what she’s done for me.

When I was really young not even 10 I can remember my mom threatening to go lay on the railroad tracks and kill herself. At that age I begged her not to, I really thought she was going to do it. I remember her taking us to this little town in southern Arizona where we would camp and leaving us outside next door to bar with friends or maybe they were people she didn’t know to well. I remember her drinking and driving and us begging her not to. I remember her leaving us at her friends house with these awful lesbian babysitters so she could go partying. We ended up running away to the park that night and hiding under a concrete table at like midnight. I remember my sister and I were late walking home one night and she said she went looking for us and claimed she got raped and best up. It never happened later years later she admitted it was a lie. I also remember when I was an adult it was actually Thanksgiving 2006 where we invited her over, my sis and I did we cooked the whole meal. She lived in an apartment me and my sis had a house we rented. She came over and we were sitting outside she was pretty shit faced and her telling me she had a cocaine problem and then after I kind of freaked out she’s like I was just kidding I then asked her to leave. I couldn’t believe she would lie and play games like that, especially when it’s not something to laugh about. I also remember her being on coke when I was a kid, she smoked a lot of weed too. There are many more memories but you get the point.

All these memories flooded back like it was yesterday. Being an adult and older now I see how screwed up everything was. I know now why I have trust issues. I don’t remember my mom acting loving to me very much. I’m sure she said I love you but I can’t remember it.

I love my mom I do, but for me as a person to heal and move on I can’t allow the toxicity of her being this negative manipulative person in my life. I can love her from a distance where I feel safe.

I know today is mother’s day, Maybe a shitty time to share my story but I felt like I needed to get it out. Tell your mom you love her today. God only knows I wish my mother in law was here so I could tell her. She was a good mom a loving mom. The kind

you don’t have to question their love for you. I guess my mom being the way she was made me latch on to my grandma so much.


Relationships aren’t always easy

Did you ever notice how when you first date someone how those little things that annoy you don’t. How you over look a lot of things that would be deal breakers. We try to ignore and flaws, and blindly over look so.e big and little things. As time goes on and the newness of the relationship goes away we focus on those little annoying things. None of us are prefect, we all have lots and lots of flaws. The biggest thing I have learned after being married 10+ years, is you can’t change anyone!!! You either chose to accept them or you cut them out of your life. Sometimes when we have bad days we focus in on the way someone chews, or drinks. When in reality we are being petty. But we all have our bad days. We also take things out on our significant other more then we realize.

Going through life’s ups and downs is hard. Most of the time life sucks. You’re often dealing with one struggle from the next. Times change and people do too. I love Mr G but sometimes I hate him. I don’t mean really hate. It’s fine to feel this way, I think it’s actually healthy. Mr G grew up with his mom and dad in a loving relationship and never heard them argue. That’s fine and all but I think it’s a bit unhealthy and unrealistic. While sometimes we have minor disagreements and they blow over easily, other times we have arguments that go on for a bit. It’s often just a misunderstanding and we both are stubborn.

The most important thing is when push comes to shove I know he’s got my back like I have his. We are the ride or die type couple. I never worry about him being unfaithful and he never worries about me like that. We have strong love for each other. I remember I used to not pee in front of him, then I had my gallbladder out and needed his help to walk to the bathroom. Now I’m like who cares we’re human. The biggest most important thing is to let your loved one know you love them!! You never know what will happen in the next hour or days. Sometimes just bite the bullet and say you’re sorry even if you don’t think you were wrong. So many relationship’s don’t work out. Lots of times it’s because they didn’t communicate and gave up to easy. Don’t give up fight for your love. Do little things for each other, what might seem little for us could be huge. Hug or kiss your partner just out of the blue. Write little I love you notes. Just learn to value each other, and never take one another for granted.

A thing that works for us is setting up a time like a date I guess you could say, where we watch Netflix or movies and cuddle. It’s nice to just relax and unwind.

Yeah so what I’m a crazy cat lady πŸˆπŸ˜»πŸ˜ΈπŸΎπŸˆ

I love cats, I always have they all have their own personalities and can be funny and crazy. When I was a kid we had a cat who was a siamese well he was my grandma’s he was kinda wild but he ran away. Then we had a cat named Chang he was siamese too but he was a dick, he would hide in folded up blankets and sneak attack you. After his bath he would hold a major grudge. He once bit through my nostril like he was piercing my nose it hurt like a bitch it brought tears to my eyes. I loved him but he was way to rowdy even after he got fixed so we gave him to my grandma’s brother he was happy there and much calmer since he had other kitty friends.

When I got older I found and kitten smoke grey on my door step. I took her in and named her Lexi she was a sweetheart. She loved this pink velvet blanket when my mom would sleep with it she wouldn’t leave her alone. She unfortunately got pregnant even though I tried to make sure she didn’t, but she was a good mama. She had 4 babies one my sister got that she named meow meow, some one stole her was a bad ass cat she liked to take a shower with you and do everything like a person does. Then I got another cat he was a kitten from my ex boyfriend at first we thought he was a she, he was very spoiled he had a little bed and a pillow his name was Alley he was a long haired siamese as he got older he became more like a guard dog. He was a sweetheart and very beautiful.  He once attacked a pizza delivery guy who had to get stitches that I had to pay for. I warned the guy not to touch Alley but he was like oh hey kitty and Alley was very protective. He also attacked my sister when she knocked on my window. Kinda like a guard cat it’s kinda funny now but I felt bad for her at the time. I was like 17 and alley started sneaking into my neighbors doggy door and beating up their cat, he was our landlord and I promised to keep alley in. Well one day I spent a few days away from home and my sister took alley to the shelter, I had no idea I looked for him everywhere but couldn’t find him. To this day it breaks my heart I loved him so much and she betrayed me. She told me one day when we were arguing I wanted to kick her ass but I didn’t I cried for weeks. What a bitch!!!!!

I now have 4 cats well 3 and lady A has one. I have an older very chubby Russian blue, I got her when she was around 7 weeks. She very spoiled she has her own pillow and sleeps with me every night. She has to have my hand touching her body or she will paw and claw me until it is. She’s my baby she gets car sick though which isn’t fun. She throws up and gets diarrhea poor girl I have tried giving her calming medicine and not feeding her before we travel but it doesn’t work. Thankfully we don’t travel much. She loves people food unfortunately, I wasn’t going to give her any but my sister started to feed her beans from her chilli she got from Wendy’s and the rest is history. Her favorite is green beans which isn’t bad for her. She’s getting older and I hope she will be around forever I know that won’t happen but I hate to think about it. She got sick once and wasn’t eating so we took her to our vet and right away he’s like she needs laxatives, I started laughing and I’m like what!?! I never heard of cats needing laxatives. Then he asked if we had another cat which at the time we only had two and we said yes then he said does he have long hair and we said yes and he said that’s your problem shes cleaning him and she can’t digest his hair and poop it out. He said there is no way to get her to stop so she’s got to be in laxatives for the rest of her life. It’s a brown sticky salmon flavored paste. She doesn’t much like it but she has to have it. Her name is Callie she’s 11 now but she will always be my baby 😍🐈😻🍲🐾

My next cat was a year when we adopted him. We found an ad on Craigslist with a beautiful long haired blue point Siamese named Pumpkin. The lady who owned him wanted an adoption fee of 50 dollars and he came with a bunch of goodies. She was worried he was going to get ran over because he had learned to use the doggy door. They had dogs and she worked from home so they were having to leave him shut up in a room all day and free to roam at night and he was lonely so he would meow at their bedroom door all night. After the lady met me she gave me Pumpkin she said she knew I’d be the right home for him and I’d care for and love him like he deserved. They had bought him from a pet store for around 1,000 dollars, since he grew up around dogs he acted like a dog more then a cat he still does that. It was really hard to get his sleeping patterns changed he wanted to stay up all night and he would get on your back or rub his nose on your Nose to wake you up it was sweet as hell but when you’re sleeping you just wanna make him sleep too. He was trying to kiss you. I remember one night my mom spent the night and she’s like Jennifer your cat wouldn’t get off my back he’s heavy and he slept on me all night. We kept hearing this weird sound almost every night that sounded like a baby crying, we knew it couldn’t be lady A or her toddler sister so we were kinda freaking out on what it could be. Then one night we caught Pumpkin in the act it was him he just had a very weird meow he would do. He’s not like a typical cat we once had a bar like counter in a home we lived in and Pumpkin thought he could jump up on it and flew right over it along with everything that was sitting on the counter, he made a huge crashing sound as he hit the floor. My sister moved in with us and she has a huge dog Pumpkin and Moe were friends they have always got along. We couldn’t find Pumpkin I made flyers I went door to door we lived out in the country so I was really worried. One night it was really late and I was making my bath water and my husband was standing in the bathroom in front of the cupboard doors talking to me and the door hit his leg and out walks Pumpkin, the little asshole was never missing he was just sulking. Pumpkin loves to ride in cars, trucks big moving trucks little doll strollers Everytime we travel with him we get strange look’s and tons of questions. He loves belly rubs and likes to grab your hand. He also is a reason why we can’t have any of those relaxing water fountain things because he takes his paw and will drink all the water. He definitely a different kinda cat but our home wouldn’t be complete without him. He also use to carry Callie around in his mouth like a mama cat, he taught her how to be a cat and not always a good kitty lol we got them a month apart but since he was older he gave her guidance through kitty life. He’s also very addicted to cheese thanks to my husband and canned food. His first home they never gave him wet food because the lady said it smelled to bad. The first time I gave it to him he pigged out went to the potty box and came back for more, little has changed with that. He’s a very sweet loving old man he’s now about 12  he also has a major fascination with plastic wrappers the kinds that come on snack cakes he likes to chew and crunch on them in the middle of the night. Sometimes I swear he hides them away for when were sleeping πŸ˜»πŸˆπŸ‘΄πŸ˜ΈπŸ§€πŸ¬

Lady A wanted a puppy but we talked her into a kitty. So we found one on Facebook that needed a good home. We went to pick her up she was white with black and brown stripes and about 8 weeks old. Lady A named her Jade we got her home after buying a few toys and kitten food, a liter box and the normal stuff. Well once we got her home I was checking her out and discovered she was a he haha we got fooled. No big deal we now changed HIS name to Thumper he was a sweet heart he loves to cuddle. He didn’t get really big like most cats do but he does have a big head. He loved to eat scrambled eggs he still does he doesn’t like people food much but he’s like a true southern cat he loves sausage. He learned to meow weird from. Lady A he copies her but he can meow like a regular cat too. He’s funny because if he tries to fight with another cat and he knows you’re watching him he will throw his paw up on their shoulder and pretend he was just cleaning them, He’s very smart. He’s also stubborn as hell. He doesn’t like storms so he wants to be cuddled and comforted when its thundering or raining hard. He also hates the sound of a lawnmower or weed eater. He loves to watch out the window and be a typical nosey cat. We got him 4th of July weekend in 2013 he’s our teenage brat cat but we love him and he makes our home feel the love when he cuddles with you. He also makes us feel the aggravation when he’s being an asshole 🐈😻😼😎

Then some asshole dumped a kitten maybe 6 weeks old in our yard it was very hard to catch him. Eventually Lady A caught him one rainy night December 2013 he was cold and wet but she dried him off and put him in a box with some food and water and put that in a big dog crate with a cat box. He was very pretty colored he was a light orange almost cream colored. We decided to give him a forever home. We loved him from day one. At first Lady A named him Mr Cheddar while I suggested Morris like the 9 lives cat then Lady A settled on Maurice the name fit him perfectly. He was what we had been missing but didn’t know it. He was wild but shy crazy but sweet. He would stand up like a person and walk some times. He was always down for chin rubs and loving. He didn’t like storms either. When we were moving it didn’t dawn on me that he hadn’t been outside in a very long time which was a huge mistake. Lady A went to carry him outside he freaked out and scratched her pretty bad she let go of him and he ran away. It was almost dark but we yelled and called his name for hours. We were all so broken hearted I cried all night I’m sure Lady A did as well. We went and looked the next day and days after that we put food for him all around and water. We left the doors open for him to go back inside. It was my husband’s aunts house, I made flyers I even had our local shelter share his info I went door to door and no one had seen him. A few days later my husband’s aunts saw him he ran out of the house when she went in so we still had hope we went down right away to call for him but he didn’t come. They were doing renovations to the house it was about three weeks later when his aunt called and said they had him trapped in the basement, we hauled ass and went to Walmart and got a Crate for him we were so excited. My husband went down to the basement with his uncle and cornered Maurice, he was scared he had been on his own for almost a month. He threw his coat over him I’m glad he had it, it was cold and winter now. He scooped him up and put him in the crate and we thanked them and rushed home to check on him. Well about three minutes into the ride the crate zipper broke it was one of those soft pet carrier types, we were nervous he might be aggressive or try to scratch us we had no idea what he’d been through. It wasn’t like that he wasn’t mad or mean he remembered us he wanted some love and some rubs and scratches. He was so happy to see us, he really missed us. My husband carried him in the house and we put him in the bathroom and fed him small amounts of dry food mixed with wet food throughout the next 24 hours. We didn’t want to over feed him and make him sick. We also wanted to make sure he was eating that’s why we fed him alone. We then let him out and put him on my bed after we all kissed and hugged him. I swear he didn’t stop purring for days. He didn’t sleep for 48 hours he would just pace from one person to the next getting love and letting them know how much he missed them. We were so thrilled to have him back. Here’s is one crazy part I’ll get to the other crazy part later, we got him back on the very day we found him in the first place. He was a little skinny but he put on  weight  in no time. He also loved my microfiber blanket a little to much I didn’t realize he was using it as his special Friend lol and yuck, I knew he would get angry when I made him move but I didn’t know why. Then one night he was all worked up and came up to my hair and played with it and bit me softly while trying to hump my arm like a dirty monkey. It was honestly pretty funny.  He was a completely different type of cat he had a special relationship with everyone. Lady A was his mama and he didn’t like her petting or paying attention to any of the other cats, even if it was to trim their nails he would then protest meow at the other cat and try to battle them. It was really funny the whole time she would hold which ever cat she was trimmings nails he would sit there and do a weird meow sound that kinda sounded like a dial up modem, like he was trying to intimidate them. It was really cute and sweet he was so possessive. He knew who his mama was and didn’t want to share. He would dig around in my purse and open it I wasn’t sure why until I investigated it, he was get my toothpaste and toothbrush and he was eating my toothpaste. I was really shocked and then I had to keep my purse put up because he learned to open zipper’s. He was a one of a kind cat. All our cats got colds in 2014 they all got better except for Maurice, he had a lot of snot drainage and I was advised to get him an IV bag of fluid to keep him hydrated and I did, it sucked giving him IV fluids but he needed them,  he ate a little wet food but wasn’t improving. We took him to our vet and as soon as he saw Maurice he said he though it was most likely feline leukemia or feline HIV both were fatal. We asked Lady A to leave the room and asked the dr what he thought and what he would do if it was his cat he didn’t want to tell us what to do but I asked if he was suffering and he said yes. Unfortunately a decision was made the kind you hate to make but you have to do the right thing. They did an ultrasound on him and a few other things. We then called Lady A back in the room and explained Maurice was suffering it was best to put him to sleep. So we all had a few minutes to love him and talk to him and kiss him before they gave him the shots. They felt so bad at the vet we only had to pay 35 dollars which isn’t even the office visit that’s 45 dollars we didn’t have to pay for the ultrasound, euthanasia or anything else the staff and dr hugged us. They did their best to comfort us. That really met a lot, that kind of human compassion really makes a difference. This is why this will always be our only vet even though it’s a city South of us about 45 minutes away they really care about animals. A week or so later we got a sympathy card with a little paw prints in heaven scripture the card was signed by all of the staff. We buried Maurice by where we first found him by the pond on the property. Here is the crazy other part he died on the exact 2 year anniversary of us finding him. He touched our hearts in ways only he could. He brought joy and tears and laughs to us for the short two years he was in our lives we will never forget him. πŸˆπŸ˜»πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜’πŸ‘Ό

After all that I never thought we would own another cat. Losing one is so so hard. They are family they are not just an animal. Things change no matter what we will always have room in our hearts for more paw prints and purs.

Our neighbors cat had babies well two of our neighbors cats had kittens both had four. Someone had dropped off the mama cats when they were just little and they got pregnant before they were able to get fixed. So we fell in love with one kitten well all of them. I finally talked my husband into letting us get a new baby we named Little Bit she’s multi colored and has like leopard spots on her tummy she’s got stripes on her legs a white chest and stripes going an opposite direction on her body. We call her the patchwork cat because she looks like she should be a few different cats. One side of her face is a light black the other is orange she’s got an orange spot on her head and a stripped tail until the very end then it’s solid black with a solid white tip, her tail doesn’t belong on her lol she’s got mainly white boots except for some Carmel toes. She’s very unique. She’s a daddy’s girl she sleeps with my husband most of the time. He can pick her up and hold her like a baby and she falls asleep in his arms while crossing her paws. He has her addicted to white cheddar popcorn. If you get after her she meows in protest like she’s talking shit to you. After we got her fixed she kept acting like she was going into heat and we had to take her to a vet close to us to get spayed because we were having car trouble and it turns out they missed a small piece of one of her ovaries, so for the rest of her life she has to get a depo birth control shot a few times a year. The ovary attached to her stomach or something and they wouldn’t be able to find it if they went in there looking for it. Plus why put her through a surgery like that for nothing. She loves to knead she also knows I’m the mama she will want her mama time and come lay on my shoulder right up against my head at bedtime or on my chest close to my throat a few times a month it’s so sweet when she does it but she’s got to turn around a bunch just to get in the perfect position. She also has a drooling problem some cats just have more saliva. It drove me crazy at first I’m like she needs a bib but now it doesn’t bother me. She has a special relationship with Lady A kinda like they are sisters they share food together and hang out sometimes especially if Lady A is reading. Little Bit also goes nuts if a moth or flying bug gets in the house she will run into the wall hunting it Lady A will hold her up so she could capture it.  She’s also got a bad addiction to plastic bags she likes to sleep on them and purses she loves to sleep in them. She was the perfect addition to our family. πŸ˜»πŸˆπŸ‘§πŸ’žπŸΎ

All our cats are indoor cats they stay healthy that way sometimes we put them in a huge crate on our deck our we will have our door open so they can smell outside from the screen door. They love to watch the birds flying. We joke about me being the cat mama or crazy cat lady and my husband is the cat daddy Lady A is the cat sister. Yeah were a weird family but I love my weird quirky family I wouldn’t trade them for nothing. We are a family of 7 kitties included.

We have now adopted our neighbors cats they are outside cats they are all different too. The mama is Two Face because she looks like she has two different faces she’s Little Bits aunt. She had Zeus he’s solid black with green eyes he lives over at my other neighbors now they had him neutered and take good care of him. Then there is Taz he’s the one I have a pic of on my blog he looks like Maurice light orange kinda cream color he’s a real sweetheart, he has special little meows he loves to bite my toes and Lady A’s knees he’s just playing though. He’s a real people cat he loves attention and Hates belly rubs. Then there is Medusa she’s mainly black but multicolored she’s even got birth marks on her face by her ears which I had never seen before. She loves belly rubs, she also walks like a robot. She likes me to hold her and rub by her ears she likes to escort you when you walk to the mailbox. Then there is Marina she’s solid black but underneath she’s brown she’s got a little white on her chest and beautiful green eyes. She’s very close to Lady A so much so that when Lady A goes to check the mail Marina will lay in front of her because she wants to be carried everywhere. She purs all the time she’s very spoiled. She hates to be alone especially at night she will look in our windows for Lady A so she can be cuddled. She will sleep in or on anything that’s Lady A’s she will also share anything Lady A is eating even if it’s a pop tart. Then Two Face had three more babies before we could get her fixed even though they are not really our cats they kinda are we feed them and take care of them. One of the babies Turtle died she looked like a tortie how ever it’s spelled color which is how two face is colored then there is Rogue she’s tortie colored too she’s very antisocial were working on her. Lady A can pick her up and she comes to her now which is a lot more then she use to. She likes chin rubs. Then last but not least we have Diabla she use to hiss and not like anyone or anything she’s light grey and has an orange mark on her head and some orange on her side and leg. She’s very sweet now she’s loves to be pet she loves chin rubs and back scratches. She really loves Lady A all the kitties do. πŸˆπŸ˜»πŸ˜ŽπŸ˜ΌπŸ‘ΈπŸ’ƒπŸ’„πŸ’…πŸˆπŸΎπŸΎπŸ‘

We also have an older cat the stupid neighbors had but when his girlfriend left him she left the cat his name is Patches he’s got  orange and white patches all over. He’s very sweet I feel so bad for him being abandoned but he’s welcome here at least I know he gets fed. He also has long hair he loves to rub on anyone’s leg’s. He’s kinda like an old man he also gets his fur brushed from Lady A and his knots cut out if he has any. We doctor there boo-boos when they get cuts and scrapes from running around and we make sure they have food twice a day everyday. My husband also built them a big dog house with a heat lamp for when its cold they have blankets and a warm dry place to sleep. πŸˆπŸ‘΄πŸ‘΄πŸΎπŸΎπŸ’ƒπŸ˜ŽπŸ˜Ό