Relationships aren’t always easy

Did you ever notice how when you first date someone how those little things that annoy you don’t. How you over look a lot of things that would be deal breakers. We try to ignore and flaws, and blindly over look so.e big and little things. As time goes on and the newness of the relationship goes away we focus on those little annoying things. None of us are prefect, we all have lots and lots of flaws. The biggest thing I have learned after being married 10+ years, is you can’t change anyone!!! You either chose to accept them or you cut them out of your life. Sometimes when we have bad days we focus in on the way someone chews, or drinks. When in reality we are being petty. But we all have our bad days. We also take things out on our significant other more then we realize.

Going through life’s ups and downs is hard. Most of the time life sucks. You’re often dealing with one struggle from the next. Times change and people do too. I love Mr G but sometimes I hate him. I don’t mean really hate. It’s fine to feel this way, I think it’s actually healthy. Mr G grew up with his mom and dad in a loving relationship and never heard them argue. That’s fine and all but I think it’s a bit unhealthy and unrealistic. While sometimes we have minor disagreements and they blow over easily, other times we have arguments that go on for a bit. It’s often just a misunderstanding and we both are stubborn.

The most important thing is when push comes to shove I know he’s got my back like I have his. We are the ride or die type couple. I never worry about him being unfaithful and he never worries about me like that. We have strong love for each other. I remember I used to not pee in front of him, then I had my gallbladder out and needed his help to walk to the bathroom. Now I’m like who cares we’re human. The biggest most important thing is to let your loved one know you love them!! You never know what will happen in the next hour or days. Sometimes just bite the bullet and say you’re sorry even if you don’t think you were wrong. So many relationship’s don’t work out. Lots of times it’s because they didn’t communicate and gave up to easy. Don’t give up fight for your love. Do little things for each other, what might seem little for us could be huge. Hug or kiss your partner just out of the blue. Write little I love you notes. Just learn to value each other, and never take one another for granted.

A thing that works for us is setting up a time like a date I guess you could say, where we watch Netflix or movies and cuddle. It’s nice to just relax and unwind.

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New to blogging

I’m very new to this I’m new to this. I have fun writing I honestly thought about doing a blog for a long time. I kinda figured who would want to read about my boring ass life lol but I guess in a way we all have some boring parts of life. I’m not sure how to get new follower’s or anything like that. If you want to know more about me just ask. I’m 37 I have been married for 9 years to a sometimes wonderful husband and sometimes asshole husband. In sure I’m the same way. We take care of my 16 year old niece ugh teens are a handful. We love animals especially cats. We live in the southern USA but my niece and I were born in the southwest desert area of the USA. I have neurofibromatosis and lots of debilitating back problems. We live out in the country were it’s peaceful and quiet. I like to make people laugh. I have one nephew he will be 5 in June and two nieces one will be 14 in June and the other will be 7 in January they moved back out to the desert I miss them very much. I have seen then once in 3 years but I’ll get to see them again in August it would be sooner but their dad is a control freak asshole. Hopefully I can chat with some people and read some amazing blogs 🐾😎🙂🤓🏈 I love college football and the NFL and the ID channel and weather I’m like a weather stalker we get his close to where we live by tornadoes pretty often they fascinate me. I love super hero movies. I enjoy a quiet relaxed life. 

Cancer stole you

When I first moved to the southern U.S I was amazed at how much it rained my husband made fun of me because all I talked about was rain. It was a fairly dry spring/summer that year compared to most. I loved it out here it’s quiet ,there is so much grass and beautiful flowers and trees. It’s really like a post card, growing up in the desert you don’t see much green or rain. My mother in law and my husband’s grandma they called her mawmaw would come pick me up and we would go shopping. I loved it we always laughed always had fun. It was really nice to be a welcomed into his family. My mother in law was funny, on always trip back out here we got a few things out of the car and one was a jump box (those emergency type road things for a quick jump) and she said what it’s that your vibrator mind you this thing was huge not like the onest you can buy now. It was atleast 2 feet long and probably a foot or so wide. I started laughing and I’m like God I hope not she turned red she meant to say something else. Then there was that time she was sweeping out my husband’s truck and fell into the wheel barrel perfectly I ran over to her freaking out. All she did was laugh really hard she was fine I have no idea how she wasn’t hurt.

She would also burn anything and I mean anything. My husband bought some tennis shoes he wore maybe 5 times the next time he looked for them she had burned them. I spent the weekend at my in laws and my husband brought me some of his mom’s famous spinach dip, which I had never had any before but I tried it and it was really good. I asked her for the recipe and she laughed and said it was from a jar she always put it in a container because it tasted better. She had this fat little dark brown chihuahua named Butch, he was her best friend. He slept with her had to be in the bathroom when she took a bath he even ate popcorn with her. He was a dick if you went into her room he would act like he was gonna get you. If you told him you were gonna give him a bath he would try and bite you but not her, he even got angry with my father in law when he went into their bedroom. She would always walk next door to mawmaws and he would sit there like a good boy and not leave the porch he did this for years. Then one day she called while we were living in the desert and he had got off the porch and ran off. She was so sad and broken hearted. I felt so bad for her but I thought he will come back, he probably just went to pee on some stuff. That whole day and night they looked for him but couldn’t find him. The next morning they found him he was hurt pretty bad probably from another dog. They took him to this asshole vet we have here in town he said he thought he would be okay but he didn’t make it. We felt so bad my father in law made him a special tombstone and they buried him under the Muscadine bush.

She got another dog this one was a dark brown and white chihuahua and named him Jo-Jo he was a baby when we moved back out here. He wasn’t Butch and my mother in law didn’t have that bond with him I knew in time she would have or I thought but she didn’t unfortunately she passed away about a month later. To this day Jo-Jo will cry if you say mama or mawmaw he misses them. She would put the little guy in his big crate and cover it with a blanket when it was bedtime. I’d laugh and joke with her about her putting the little guy in time out. She did love him though but he was new and she was sick we didn’t know at the time how sick she was she had cancer. Jo-jo is now my father in laws chubby little side kick he gives hugs and he’s spoiled rotten.

My first summer out here we all went fishing it was my mother in law my father in law my brother in law and my husband I never really been the outdoor type. I had never done much fishing but I was excited. I made my first mistake since I had no idea how the woods were I wore flip flops and every thorn in my path found my poor feet. Luckily I wore pants we saw a snake almost right away which freaked me out I kept thinking one was going to sneak up on me. There was no way I was baiting my own hook with a cricket or worm ewww I don’t like bugs or dirty things. I probably annoyed my husband but I didn’t fish that much I don’t have the patience for it. However I like to go now when I can. Then was my next big traumatic event a tick was on me so I threw it it landed on my mother in law then she threw it and it landed on Mt father in law hahahaha it’s still funny to this day. I never told his mom it was on me first I was embarrassed. Later after we were all home she called me to tell me that me and my husband needed to strip down all check each other for ticks.

I’ll always miss the funny things she would do like call me all did talk for a few then hang up really fast because her show was coming on she loved south park, She loved the girls next door and Anna nicole we would always gossip about all of the latest celebrity news. She loved to keep her yard looking tidy she would rake all the stuff up then burn it. She decorated her house and mawmaws for Christmas so much you could probably see it from space. She had never had any alcohol we were gonna drink a few wine coolers but never got the chance. My husband made us some meat on the grill he used beer haha she said”this isn’t going to get me drunk will it”. Haha I remember she stopped by our place once and told me she was taking these new diet pills and had an accident in her pants so she bought a new shirt I was like um what about your pants. She also called me one day to tell me she had bought and wore her first bra with wore she didn’t know they made them that way and she didn’t like it. My father in law stopped by to fix something when we weren’t home she had never been around cats and my cats were rubbing on her and wanted to lay on her she thought they were gonna attack her. Sometimes when we would go spend the night with her because she was lonely and do my father in law was working nights she would say come over I got some of my spinach dip we always laughed about it and she would throw a pizza in the over. She was like most southern women and had to have a million purses,bags,and shoes. Sometimes she would get way to personal but I never had the heart to object that’s just how she was.

She would sleep all day with my father in law when he worked night. He would always bring us a sausage biscuit when he was on his way home. On our way to move back out here I talked to her for hours it was storming really bad and my father in law was driving she was scared. I loved our bond I’ll always miss her. I’ll always be broken hearted that we need had a Thanksgiving, Christmas or new years where we would have had a few drinks, she was looking forward to trying wine. She was so proud to have me as a daughter in law it made me feel so loved. I was family right away she told me she had never liked any of the women my husband had been with before. She loved listening to my stories about the desert. She had never tried French toast or a lot of other things we were going to try together. We had planned on so many things we thought we would have time for vacations and girls time.

 

I hate you cancer you robbed me, you have caused so many people heartache and pain. I hope one day they find a cure. You took a great woman from me and my family.

To my mother in law in heaven I love you and I miss you so much you were one of the greatest women I have ever known. I wish I had that chance to tell you how much you met to me and ow thankful I was for you. Your love for me was so appreciated. Have fun up there with mawmaw laughing at the goofy stuff I do until we meet again xoxo xoxo

Lil about me and my life

I was born in the southwest US, growing up I never thought I’d want to move. It wasn’t that I was in love with where I grew up I was just comfortable. I have a twin sister but we couldn’t be more opposites if we tried. I grew up with a single mom it was always just us and my grandma until my grandma passed away. Oh yeah and my sis had a baby girl so it was still just us. My dad was a piece of shit who never wanted kids but yet has more then a few around. I was always more of a homebody type, so I made a few friends online. That’s how I met my husband. I’ll get to that later. Growing up life was pretty shitty, my family is full of assholes which is why I only talk to my mom and sis. I always wanted kids when I grew up. I tried when I was dating this major asshole thank God it didn’t work out that way. I eventually realized how awful he was and left him but not before he was verbally, sexually, and physically abusive. That it’s self taught me a lot about relationships and what warning signs to look for. After that I stayed single for a very long time. I was older now and it was just me and my sis and now she had 2 girls we shared a house and I helped her with the girls. Her oldest was basically my kid since she was born I was the one she came to when she was sick or excited or for anything. I’ll never forget her first day of school I cried after we left her there. I felt like we were leaving her for the wolves. She had been born tongue tied, so her speech wasn’t that good. She had the surgery to fix it. She was also in speech therapy to help. I was worried no one would understand her, or that she would need me. Yeah I made my sis drive us by the school probably 10 times that day. Haha the total stalker mom type that was me. When the bus came she was so happy and excited she brought me home a poem called the friendship poem with her handprint outlined. She was so proud to give it to me and I loved it I still have it. I knew then she would be ok. It’s crazy how fast time Flys by. This will always stand out as one of my favorite memories.

Well on to how I met my husband I use to get online and chat with a few people who I made friends with on AOL I know blast from the past. We also made our own yahoo chat rooms which was way better because we could use a mic or camera. Well he use to get on once in awhile and we would all talk but not really on all personal level. He also gave me his phone number, I think I called him all so few times. I got busy taking care of my sick grandma  (she had cancer and a ton of health problems) he got busy too kinda so we didn’t talk much. I had my focus on my grandma I wasn’t sure how much longer I’d have with her. We still sent the occasional email or message to each other. He always told me he was praying for my grandma when I’d give him an update. My grandma got worse and passed away after such a long time of her being sick I kinda felt relief. I know it sounds selfish but when you see someone you love struggling and suffering you just want them to have peace and not be in pain. I was kinda shocked at how well I handled her passing. I had my moments and days where it hit me hard but overall for being in my early 20s I did pretty good. After a few months me and my husband I’ll call him Mr G began to talk more and more. We lived so far and part but we kinda had feelings for each other so we decided to see where things went. Me my sis and the girls packed up and took a vacay heading east. Overall it was a fun road trip. Got a speeding ticket in Texas btw fuck driving thru Texas it never ends. We had a few other hiccups along the way but it Wasn’t all bad. We visited for a few days, I had a lot of fun but didn’t really hold any expectations of way as that would come. I liked Mr G but the distance was a huge problem. He didn’t really wanna move. Oh yeah and I discovered how possessive my sis was over me and my time, I guess her having me be like a 2nd mama and always being there for her made her not really wanna share. What a huge problem this would be for my future I’ll get to that later.

We had made it back I was sure glad to be back home. During the trip home I had put my phone in the trunk I didn’t really want to talk to Mr G I had got pretty drunk and made an ass of myself. I was hoping he would say oh hey I’ll give your place a try or something like that but he didn’t. I guess I was really disappointed so I got carried away with the shots. I was upset the morning we left to come back home. He had left way earlier which hurt my feelings. Like he didn’t care enough to stay and say goodbye or whatever by that point I was like fuck it we had fun but that’s where we will leave it. He had called and texted me a shit load of times he was worried and wanted to make sure we made it home. My pride was a little bruised and it admit locking my phone in the trunk was pretty dumb. I think maybe I wasn’t sure how he felt about me so if he didn’t call or text I wouldn’t have been checking my phone and obsessing over dead zones. I tried to laugh and have fun and forget how hurt, and sad I was. I turned my emotions off for a bit. Come to think of it we stopped in West Texas for a hotel and that’s when it got my phone. I saw how many times he called and texted and it took me about an hour to decide what to say or how to handle things. I had never went and met anyone offline before and definitely not someone I had feelings for. I finally called he said he was really worried so was his mom. We talked for a bit and kinda kept it light. We had been telling each other we loved each other for awhile now, he said it first in person I blushed and said it back. Before we hung up he said I love you I said it back but at this point I was confused. After we got settled back in at home we talked about things and decided we should give our love story a chance. Me and my sis had been talking about moving. We wanted to give the girls a different environment. Mr G was excited for the move I explained I came with 2 cats my sis and the kids since I couldn’t leave them. Oh yeah I forgot my sis had met this guy and been dating him for a bit he lived in our guest house they had got married. At the time he was good to her and me and the girls. He helped us pay bills and even took me to the er when I had the flu bad. Well I found us a house online big enough for all of us excluding my sisters husband he was wrapped up in some it and couldn’t move. So we paid the deposit and 2 months rent and Mr G went by and got the keys we despite really know what time we would be getting to our new house. Which was a good idea we got there on a Sunday early morning and nothing in the south is open on Sunday. We didn’t pick Mr Gs hometown to move to, instead we moved a town north. It was a bigger college town. I was hoping it wouldn’t be to much of a shock since we moved from a really major city.

We had planned to move at the beginning of 2007 well almost as soon as we got back my mom got sick. She had never been sick before. When I say sick I mean major sick. She was on life support and in icu in a medical induced come for about a week. We had more then one doctor tell us she wasn’t going to make it. Once she woke up she was major confused she has a bad reaction to morphine most of my family does. She woke up though and healed up slowly. So by March we were packing up a huge ass penske and hitting the road. We stopped to say goodbye to my mom. It was kinda hard we never really had a good relationship but I was gonna miss her. I knew she would miss my oldest niece they were really close. We were all excited to see what life’s new journey had in store for us.

That big ass yellow truck was so slow granted we had it packed up full of our stuff. We were also towing my sisters car which was a huge pain in the ass. We also had my two cats the girls and a boxer I had bought Mr G. So potty breaks were plenty. Plus my sis had cut her hand and had stitches so driving made it worse on her hand. I don’t drive I have bad anxiety. We stopped for a break at a rest stop in West Texas to take a nap. It was March so it was still pretty cool. We finally made it to our destination state 37 hours later. This trip we didn’t stop for hotels we figured once we made it we would sleep. We would rest every so many hours but we were miserable and just wanted to have a red button we could push and get there instantly to bad they don’t exist. The ride was hell we were all cranky tired swollen and sore. The girls were restless we had movies for them to watch but they couldn’t get into them. By the time we made it there we tried to get everyone’s beds out and some clothes and pet stuff just so we could relax a bit. My sis had problems turning the big truck with the car when we couldn’t pull right thru thankfully we met some really nice young truckers who helped us out. I hated our cramped ride the cats, dog and kids plus me and my sis in the cab of the truck had to be a sight. We got lots of stares at my cat sleeping up on the dash and people would ask us when we stopped if he was a real cat. We laughed and explained he loves to ride. All we wanted when we got there was caffeine and a hot bath clean clothes and a bed. Well turns out the water was off  we had to call the sheriff’s department to have someone from the water department to come turn it on after hours. Why the sheriff’s department you ask well your guess is as good afters mine. Shit I think the water heater ran for a good 4 hours but ahhhhhh that hot bath was awesome. We were all woke up and hungry so we found a fast food place close. We took it easy for the most part that day and all went to bed early, except Mr G he wasn’t as wore out.

My cats were pretty freaked out and later the next night I let them on our balcony that was off of me and Mr Gs room. It was one of the dumbest things I have done. My cats are inside only cats well my male cat jumped off and ran. I was devastated I was in a new place, exhausted and now I lost my baby. My cats usually come to their name well he didn’t this time. I think he was freaked out we looked for hours and couldn’t find him. We got up the next day and did the same. I had spent the whole night and day crying. The next night I was on our balcony and I called my baby, I was pretty sure he was gone for good. I heard a meooooow I knew it was him. He’s got a weird meow like all siamese cats do. Mr G  and my sis went down stairs and outside they found him in he backyard of a neighbor. He had a really tall fence and I’m almost sure they wanted to keep him or tried to steal him. My cat hates jumping  I know he did from the balcony but I think it was more of a he was in a new place and scared type of thing. Well Mr G went right on up to their gate opened it and got my cat all while having the neighbor stare and him thru the window. The neighbor was in his tidy whiteys drinking milk out of the jug and just looked on in awe. I’m pretty sure they thought my cat was annoying and let him back out since he has a very weird loud meow and acts more like a dog. I was just glad to get my baby back after that the balcony was off limits. Mr G hadn’t grown up having cats and to start off he wasn’t fond of them. He didn’t want them sleeping in our bed and I thought well he needs time to adjust and he will warm up to them. I was kinda upset about it but my cats were use to roaming at night and sleeping where they wanted since we usually slept with our bedroom doors open.

Mr G started warming up to my cats but not as fast as I wanted. Things went okay or semi okay for a few weeks. My sister kept throwing fits because I would go places with Mr G  for awhile it was driving me crazy. I kept thinking how could she be this selfish after me helping her with the girls for so long, couldn’t i have a life. Well one afternoon we went to Mr Gs  mom’s house about 45 minutes away. I had a lot of fun until we got home and shit hit the fan my sis threw a major fit. Since our room was upstairs she kept going to circuit breaker and turning our power off and it was pretty warm. I was upset I had paid for our rent and stuff like that all on my own and now I was getting treated like shit all because my sis was jealous yet when she married the douche bag she did I didn’t treat her this way, I was happy for her. I guess I was naive to think I’d get the same. Then she told Mr G to get out and I’m like wait this isn’t just your home it’s mine too. Then came the threats of letting my cats out and the dog out. All I could do was cry this whole move was a mistake. Mr G called his mom and she said we could stay there, so we packed up and left for just the night. I really hoped the next day my sis would get her head out of her ass but part of me knew how she was. The next morning we got up early I had decided I wasn’t going to go back to our home state like she was threatening if I didn’t start living my life and having things the way I wanted them I never would. I was pretty broke so Mr Gs mom and dad took us a town south about 20 minutes away it was a very small town to look at a trailer. It was a small 2 bedroom but it was cozy in a small clean trailer park. Mr Gs  dad worked out us staying there he did part time work for the owner so they cut him well us a break. My sis had said she was going back home and I wasn’t about to kiss her ass. I was hurt and angry, I knew the worst part about us going separate ways would be the girls. I was going to miss them so much, my life revolved around them. After we got all that fixed I told my sis I was coming for my thing’s she kept making her same threats your cats are gonna be outside. I cried all the way up there. Mr G had borrowed his dad’s truck so we could get some of my stuff and my bed. I knew my sister was going to act like the spawn of Satan she mainly stayed in her room pouting. I gathered up what I could and my baby’s and we hit the road. She didn’t let me tell the girls by that broke my heart, but I was on to my next adventure.

My sis left to move back west with the girls we didn’t say goodbye. For awhile we didn’t speak. We moved into our cozy trailer. Mr G was working a lot I was really lonely, most days except Sunday it was just me and the kitties. I felt lost I missed the girls so bad. I wasn’t use to a small town and by small we didn’t even have a street light. One day Mr G  took the day off to go fishing with his super douchey friend I didn’t like the guy but I wasn’t gonna tell Mr G who he could be friends with. I was pretty hurt he took the day off for that asshat but didn’t to hang out with me. I guess maybe he didn’t know how lonely I was. I felt kinda like I couldn’t be myself because what if he got mad I’d have no one. It all made me really miss home the more lonely I got the more I wished I hadn’t left. I started talking to my sis and the girls and decided to move back. I knew Mr G wouldn’t come, I wanted him to come see how things were out west. When I told him I was leaving I fibbed some my mom had been sick again but mainly I couldn’t take being lonely. Honestly I didn’t want to leave Mr G I wanted him to want to spend time with me and connect with me more on an emotional level,I wasn’t sure he could do that. I packed up the stuff I was taking back the rest of it went to Mr Gs parent’s which is where he went back to. I cried really bad when I left I wasn’t sure I’d ever see Mr G again. What made it worse was he had bonded with my cats especially the excapee they were like best buddies.

When we got back out west my sis her hubs and the girls were living in a duplex. My first thought was this doesn’t look like a cozy home. I had a major anxiety attack and just shut myself in the girls room with my kitties. I missed Mr G I wanted him in fact in needed him to hold me and tell me he loved me. I talked to Mr G and it took major convincing but he agreed to give out west a try. He was nervous he had never been so far from home and he had major social anxiety. I promised I’d be his rock. His mom wasn’t to happy in you know anything about sociuther  mama’s they are very protective especially over their sons. The next goal was to find a big house that wasn’t to expensive. We found a place the same day we started looking it had a decent fenced yard, three bedrooms one was separate with its own bathroom for me and Mr G. The place use to be 2 apartments it had plenty of room. So we got settled in and made plans to go get Mr G the next month which was August. It was a long hot month my oldest niece slept with me most of the month. I was glad I had missed her so much and the thought of an empty bed was to much. Those few weeks before we made the trip to get Mr G were stressful. His mom made me promise I’d be good to him. I worried he’d change his mind. He was to nervous to make the journey by himself and since we made that trip a few times it was a no brainer.

I’ll continue with what happened next later. I know this is really long and I also know my grammar sucks.